RAT BAG REVIEWS: Because Luxury Should Be Practical

High fashion. Low standards. Real rats.

10/5/2025

Mission

RAT BAG REVIEWS is a 501(c)(3)-bound social experiment, satire project, and animal-welfare platform dedicated to exposing the absurdity of designer luxury culture.

We don’t review Target finds or knockoffs. We go straight for the bags that think they’re better than you — the $2,000 purses that crumble under the weight of a keychain, let alone life itself.

If a bag can’t survive a little reality, it deserves the critique.

The Concept

Take an object that symbolizes wealth and control.
Introduce a creature that couldn’t care less about either.
Document what happens.

Each review is a performance and a protest: testing high-end handbags for actual utility.
We rate every piece of luxury by its performance in the real world — the kind with dirt, movement, and sometimes, a tail.

Our Rat Review Rubric includes:

  • Washability – How well does it clean up after the inevitable?

  • Gnaw Resistance – Can it withstand teeth, or is it as fragile as its price tag suggests?

  • Breathability – Is it comfortable for life inside, or just built for display?

  • Structural Integrity – Can it hold shape when confronted with motion and mass?

  • Aesthetic Decay – How long before the illusion cracks under contact with reality?

Every bag earns a Rat Rating, from “Surprisingly Functional Artifact” to “Purely Symbolic Disaster.”

Content

  • YouTube Series: Absurdly serious testing. Slow-motion footage. Music too elegant for what’s happening.

  • Blog Reviews: Extended write-ups with high-res photos and scorecards.

  • Social Posts: Bite-sized chaos — polls, gifs, and audience voting on the next brand to test.

  • Charity Loop: Donated bags fund small-animal rescues, veterinary care, and educational outreach.

It’s not cruelty. It’s commentary. The luxury industry sells durability as a metaphor. We test it as a measurement.

Community Participation

This isn’t a closed experiment. We want others to try it — respectfully, creatively, and with humor intact.

Use our review model, adapt the rubric, and submit your results.
Film your tests, tag us, or publish them on your own channels.
The more experiments, the louder the message: that worth should be measured in function, not flex.

And yes — tell us how you cleaned it.
What’s your decontamination ritual?
Did you blast it with Febreze and pretend it never happened?
Lysol and hang it in the bathroom overnight?
Or did you drag it to the laundromat, silently praying no one noticed the glitter of luxury mixed with the scent of consequence?

We want the cleanup stories as much as the reviews.
Because maintaining the illusion of perfection is half the comedy.

Make the videos the most posh you can, with the best and most attractive runway models, and as close to what you would believe luxury brands would like representing their products. Eventually we'll get cease and desist notices as their customers will start getting odd questions however we will handle that when we get there.

Have any bags you'd like reviewed and tested? We accept donations.

Field Awareness Warning

Always read the room.
Some people don’t know much about rats, but they love the feeling of being in charge.
Give them a glimpse of control and they’ll use it.
Spot them early, stay alert, and keep your stealth.
Be cautious, stay sharp. Lower your freak flag just enough that they can’t see it — but your people still can. Pick your battles.

Closing Note

Luxury worships image. We worship evidence.
Our rats don’t care about branding, heritage, or resale value — and that’s what makes them perfect critics.
If a handbag can’t carry a rat, maybe it was never built to carry anything real.

Join us.
Test something expensive.
See what survives.